I really feel the weight of it when it doesn’t work. I know it’s not my fault because I did my best but for whatever reason it just doesn’t flow. Still, I feel the weight of it… and the weight of all the other times a session doesn’t ringa-ding-ding to the heights of specialness.
It’s illogical of course. It is inevitable that a certain percentage of sessions won’t click for unknown reasons… wrong pheromones… some illusive x-factor isn’t there… my body language reminds him of an aunt who was mean to him… he just wouldn’t give himself permission to open to a new experience… our personalities are two fabulous colours but when mixed make an awful mucky brown… who knows!
It’s a rotton flat feeling. Still, I just have to sit with that and feel it till it passes. I certainly have a lot more hits than misses and a few mis-matched chemistry experiments are to be expected.